Episode 511

4,000 Houses! Finding Happiness and Freedom with Brad Chandler

Brad Chandler is a devoted father who was determined to find help for his son's anxiety. In his quest for answers, Brad found himself on a life-changing Zoom call with a woman recommended by a friend. Within just five minutes, she identified a tick in Brad's behavior, pointing out that he blinked excessively when discussing his childhood. This astute observation led to a revelation: Brad might have unresolved childhood trauma that was contributing to his son's anxiety.

Eager to do whatever it took to help his son, Brad eagerly accepted an invitation to travel to Park City and work with Mike's Navy Seal husband and the woman he had connected with. Little did he know that a mere three-hour session with the Navy Seal would transform every aspect of his life.

During their time together, Brad and the Navy Seal delved into events from Brad's childhood that had caused him immense stress and a sense of helplessness. The experience allowed Brad to realize that he had been carrying unresolved issues from his past, which in turn affected his son's anxiety.

Motivated by the newfound understanding, Brad dedicated himself to healing and gaining control over his life. This transformative journey not only empowered Brad to become the rock his son needed but also inspired him to help others facing similar challenges.

Today, Brad Chandler is a beacon of hope for families dealing with anxiety and unresolved trauma. Through his own experiences and the knowledge gained from his transformational session, he works tirelessly to support and guide individuals towards healing and resilience. Brad's story serves as a testament to the power of confronting and overcoming our past, ultimately leading to a brighter future for ourselves and our loved ones.

Connect with Brad Chandler: https://www.bradchandler.com/

Primary Topics Covered:

1. Introduction to the Speaker's Journey

  • How the speaker got into flipping houses
  • Number of houses bought and years in business
  • Initial motivations for making money and proving worth

2. Importance of Self-Love and Self-Worth

  • Recommendation to take a self-love quiz
  • Actions to take if self-love score is low
  • Emphasizing the role of self-love in happiness and fulfillment
  • Opportunity for a new life

3. Childhood Stories and Negative Self-Perception

  • Coping mechanisms and their impact on adulthood
  • Speaker's personal experiences of failed marriages and mistakes
  • Financial losses and societal issues mentioned

4. Dispelling Misconceptions about Hypnosis

  • Differentiating stage hypnosis from therapeutic hypnosis
  • Explanation of hypnosis as a relaxed state and its impact on the subconscious
  • Importance of the subconscious mind in behavior

5. Four Questions for Self-Worth and Self-Esteem

  • Detailed exploration of the four questions
  • Transformation potential and their relevance to prison population

6. Self-Love as a Solution for Personal and Societal Problems

  • Speaker's life's work in helping people find self-love
  • Linking lack of self-love to global issues
  • Importance of awareness and personal change

7. Impact of Parenting and Changing Behaviors

  • Self-reflection on imperfect parenting and blame
  • Changing behaviors through self-love, using "shitty marriage" as an example

8. Addressing Root Thinking Issues

  • Speaker's work with struggling CEOs
  • Identifying work addiction and its connection to self-worth
  • Impact of mentors and their insights on addiction

9. Speaker's Work in Real Estate

  • Flip and wholesales statistics from the previous year
  • Limited involvement in the business
  • New perspective on dealing with sellers

10. Personal Transformation and Priorities

  • Quitting drinking and seeking deeper connections
  • Avoiding gossip and complaints
  • Identifying self-confidence issues in others
  • Challenging traditional beliefs about marriage

11. Finding Happiness, Positive Change, and Perspective

  • Importance of not accepting suffering
  • Positive changes in speaker's life
  • Interpreting events and changing perspectives

12. Personal Journey to Resolving Childhood Trauma

  • Seeking help for son's anxiety
  • Zoom call recommendation and Navy Seal session
  • The impact of childhood trauma on relationships

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"You can invest 10,000 hours and become an expert or learn from those who have already made that investment." - Jack

Transcript
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Brad Chandler is with me here today and you can find him and what he's

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up to with all of his corresponding links, bradchandler . com.

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We're going to cover quite a bit of background here and but

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what's really interesting is.

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I really get the impression, Brad, that you are really focused on mindset

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and how to build towards happiness.

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And I really will like to spend most of the time on that, but really

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appreciate you being with me here today.

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Oh, thank you so much for having me.

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I'm excited.

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So Brad I let's start things off.

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I want to do a truncated version.

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I don't want to spend a ton of time on your background, how you got

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into real estate, but that's always interesting where you started.

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I particularly want you to move into what changed in your life and

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what caused you to have this mindset shift and focusing on happiness and

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That seems to be a pretty big shift

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there.

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Just about two years ago, I was trying to get my son help for anxiety, and

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I was on a Zoom call with a lady who I was told by a friend could help me.

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And about five minutes in, she said, Do you realize that you have a tick?

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And I said, What are you talking about?

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She said, You blink profusely when you talk about your childhood.

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You may have some unresolved childhood trauma that is contributing

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to your son's anxiety issues.

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Would you like to come out to park city and work with my ex

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Navy SEAL husband and myself?

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And of course I said, yes, I'll do anything to help my son.

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And Jack, while I was out there for a weekend, and really it was a three hour

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session that I was in with the Navy SEAL.

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Everything in my life changed.

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We went back to some childhood events where I felt stress.

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I felt I didn't have any control and what we do as children is we

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oftentimes tell ourself a story to get ourselves through that stress.

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So when something bad happens to a six year old, what does that six year old say?

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I must be bad if this is happening.

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So it's great when you're six years old to know, Hey, I'm bad

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and this is why it's happening.

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But when you're 47 years old and your subconscious mind is telling yourself

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you're bad, It drove all kinds of bad behaviors to failed marriages,

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the use of alcohol and marijuana.

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I made five business mistakes in the last 17 or 19 years.

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If you go back to that cost me 9 million, five mistakes that cost me 9 million.

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So that was it in a nutshell.

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It was.

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I was going to get my son help and in doing so I got myself help and it forever

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changed my life and in such a profound way in all areas of my life that I'm like, I

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have got to share this gift with others.

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So about a year ago I started formally coaching other people and

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I've had some just amazing results.

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It's interesting that, the coach that you talked to was a, Military marine

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was it an ex Navy SEAL,

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an ex Navy SEAL.

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How did that person get into this type of

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work?

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That's a phenomenal question.

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They were working with fortune 500 CEOs and the CEOs were asking them to

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come into their companies to do work because their companies were struggling

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and or something was going on their companies and he looked at them.

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He goes, there's nothing wrong with your company.

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Everything that's wrong with your company is right here.

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It's the way that you think that's driving everything.

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So he came up with this program that is really just amazing.

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And since I've learned and taken bits and pieces, 83 percent of Americans

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identify as not being very happy.

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Think about that.

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83 percent of us identified, not us anymore, but Americans.

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Why is that?

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Because we're born happy.

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It's because people lack self love and self compassion.

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And why do you like self love and self compassion?

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Because of the untrue stories that you tell yourself to get

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yourself through childhood stress.

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So these CEOs that are working a hundred hour weeks it's they're trying

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to prove what their subconscious mind is telling them, you're no good.

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You got to do more.

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You got to do more.

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You got to do more.

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One of the things that also struck me is that.

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It sounded like that, and you could correct me if I'm wrong the tick,

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for example, you mentioned you had, they pointed out you had a tick.

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This is so subconscious that you weren't even aware that there was an issue.

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No.

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And this is the thing when I talked to my client, nine out of 10 of my

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clients come to me now and in the intake form, I said, did you have a happy

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childhood and where your needs met?

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And nine out of 10 of them say yes.

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And I'm thinking to myself, there's no way you would be talking to me right now

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if you had all your childhood needs met.

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And then I get into it and literally within the first 20 minutes, it's

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just no, you cannot think that way.

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You, after what you've been through, this is why you are the way you

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are, but you're right, Jack.

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We're not aware of it, and all change has to begin with awareness.

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So the childhood needs that need to be met, could you touch on that briefly?

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What are some of those needs to put people into perspective here?

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Yeah, so it's simple.

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It's just like an adult.

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We need to be seen, heard, and understood.

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If a child feels like they're not seen seen, felt, or understood, or loved,

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Then that messes them up when a child feels like a parent stops loving them.

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The child doesn't stop loving the parent.

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The child stops loving themselves.

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So spanking, I grew up being spanked.

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My dad hit me with a belt.

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Other than molesting your child.

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That's probably the worst thing you can do is hit your child.

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There's so many people that think it's good.

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It's not good.

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The two people that are in your life that are supposed to protect you and give

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you love are not only protecting you.

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They're.

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inflicting violence on you and they're creating shame.

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Number two timeouts is a big thing in this world, right?

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A child only misbehaves when they're feeling disconnected from a parent.

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So what are you going to do when they're feeling disconnected?

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You're going to punish them by further disconnecting them and

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putting them in their room.

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Again, I'm saying this, not from a judgeful standpoint,

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because I gave my kids time out.

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I didn't know change begins with awareness.

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So those are some of the needs that.

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That that have to be met.

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A lot of that stuff that you said, maybe it's just my age,

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but that was very common.

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Both of those strategies when I was little.

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Yeah, and if you want to look at the world, if you want to look at the United

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States, and you want to ask yourself, why is there a 60 percent obesity rate?

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Why are our prisons full?

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Why are medications for anti anxiety and antidepressant going through

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the roof, but also hospitalizations.

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Why is the divorce rate 50 percent and on the third divorce on the third

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marriage at 70 percent you got to look where did this all come from?

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What has caused all this?

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And part of it is, it is spanking.

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That's just one part of it.

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A parent's being addicted, alcoholism, all that stuff contributes.

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But yeah, it's, it's interesting.

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It's really, it really fascinates me.

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And this is my life work now is helping people, find self love because every

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problem in the world, Jack, from the war in Ukraine to our prisons being

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full, all of it can be tied back to an individual self love and a lack

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of self love and self compassion.

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And cause when you were born, you had self love.

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You got out of self love because of the program that you received

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from your imperfect parents.

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Is this to blame your parents?

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No, they did the absolute best that they could do given their

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circumstances as a child.

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So it's not about blaming your parents.

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It's about being aware so that you can make the change and change your life,

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change all the behaviors you don't like.

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You got a shitty marriage, you work a hundred hours a week,

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you eat too much, you come home and drink three glasses of wine.

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All of those can be traced back to your unmet childhood needs.

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And you've

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used the word, and you even have it on your t shirt self love.

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What do you mean by that

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exactly?

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Self love, yeah, some people get it confused with, what are you, a narcissist?

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No.

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I don't think I'm any better than any human being, but I also don't think

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I'm any worse than any other human being that ever walked the planet.

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I treat myself...

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Like I treat my best friend.

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I know I no longer am driven by behavior.

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I, for 47 years, Jack, I tried to prove myself to the world.

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That's how I lost so much money.

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That's why I smoked so much weed because I didn't feel comfortable because my

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father made me feel that I wasn't enough.

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So I spent all of those years.

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Now I am enough.

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That's self love.

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But if you would have asked me three years ago, if we'd have been

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on this thing and you would have been talking about self love, I'd

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have been like, this guy's crazy.

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Self love is woo.

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And I love myself, but I didn't.

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So I created this quiz.

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That's only 12 questions.

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It takes you all of about five minutes.

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It's a self love quiz at bradchandler.

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com forward slash quiz.

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If you take this quiz and you score mild self love or lack of self love.

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That every area of your life is being negatively impacted by

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the way you feel about yourself.

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And the great part is it can all change and it can all change very quickly.

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Can you

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share a little bit, you have your personal story, but let's talk about somebody

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that you have helped in this situation.

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And How it improved the their life.

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Yeah.

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I've got countless examples.

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I'm gonna, I'm gonna pick two just cause to come to the top of my head.

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One was a gentleman who came to me and was on the verge of his

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marriage was about to collapse.

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And five weeks later, cause my program is five weeks.

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I get a text from him saying, thank you for changing my life and my family's life.

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Did I ever sit down with them and have marriage counseling?

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Did I ever even meet his wife?

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No, I've been to 50 marriage counseling sessions and I have had two divorces.

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So I know a lot about marriage counseling, a lot about what not to do.

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Marriage therapists want to talk about, let's go on more date nights

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and repeat back what your wife is saying to you and be more affectionate.

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Jack, all of that stuff doesn't matter if you're fighting for your worthiness.

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The problem never is the relationship with the two people.

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The problem in a marriage resides in the individual's relationship with themselves.

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If you lack self love and you're in a marriage and it's almost impossible

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to have a deeply connected marriage.

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So that's what basically what I did is we went back.

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I use hypnosis as part of my train as part of my program.

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So in the third week we go into hypnosis.

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I brought this gentleman back.

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He brought up scenes that he had never thought of before that made

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him feel like he wasn't enough.

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So he was fighting for his worthiness in this marriage.

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So that's one example.

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Another example is a gentleman who was working.

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Just crazy amounts of hours, had plenty of money.

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I've actually had multiple clients in this scenario, real estate investors

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working crazy amounts of hours.

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And what do you do when you work crazy amounts of hours?

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It messes up your relationship with your significant other and your kids.

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And we found with those gentlemen that again, they were made to feel

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as children that they weren't enough.

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So what did they have to do?

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They deprove themselves by work.

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They'd amass more and more.

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But guess what?

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Never.

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It's never enough.

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So work is an addiction.

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One of my mentors has worked with thousands of addicts over the years, and

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she says there's one common trait amongst every addict she's ever worked with.

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Not one single one of them has ever felt that they're enough.

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When you don't feel like you're enough, what do you need more of?

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Whatever it is, alcohol, sex, drugs, work.

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So those are two examples that I could go on and on.

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But yeah, and it all comes Jack.

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All you have to do is change your thinking and live in the truth.

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If you're suffering, you're not living in the truth.

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You cannot suffer if you live in the truth.

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And the truth is that you are enough.

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You always were enough and you always will be enough.

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Your parents or your caretakers or your the bully at school or your teacher

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may have made you feel a different way.

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But at the at your essence, you are enough.

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Just to remind everybody head over to brad chandler.

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com and take advantage of that quiz that Brad is talking about there This is

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really interesting Brad and we I can tell we're going to chew up most of our time

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just talking about this But I feel like I got a switch The conversation slightly

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on how did this impact your real estate

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investing?

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Yeah.

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So for 47 years I was trying to find my where or trying to prove my worth.

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So when I look back on why did I get into flipping houses?

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Number one, I thought we were going to lose our house through the

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divorce when I was 10 years old and I had to end up in public housing.

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So my subconscious mind was like, you don't want to be without houses, so

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you better go buy a bunch of houses.

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Now I've bought 4, 000 houses over the last 20 years.

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Secondly, I got into business because I thought if I made a lot

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of money, that would make me happy.

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And that would show the world that I was enough, right?

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So for 40 for 40, I only in the business for 17 years.

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As of two years ago, it was 17 years now it's 20 I'm not doing the math, right?

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It was 18 to 20.

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I've been in the company for 20 years.

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I focused on money.

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So whatever I could do to make a bunch of money, there was constant

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chaos in the business Jack.

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Cause I was always chasing the shiny object.

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If I can go to Virginia beach and open that market and make a

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bunch of money, my subconscious mind was saying, you'll be worthy.

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So we had crazy ups and downs.

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I've shifted now.

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I don't need to make money to prove my worth.

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I'm on this earth now to make an impact.

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I know God put me here to help people find happiness.

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So for the next 60 years, that's my plan.

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But how has it impacted my business?

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We had one of our best years ever last year at express homebuyers.

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Why is that?

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Because I'm focused on an impact.

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I'm focused on how can I impact my employees, my team members, my investors,

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my sellers, how can I be better?

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So as investors who are listening to this.

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If you're focused on how to make the most money, it's not the

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way to grow and run a company.

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If you can focus on impact, whether you're in real estate or car sales

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or whatever, focus on how do you help the most people possible.

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And then I bet you the money will come more than ever.

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Yeah.

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That actually reminds me of a book called go giver.

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There's something that that there's a piece of that story that, that kind of

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resonates with what you just said there.

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Yeah.

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So with that I'd be interested then do you deal with or work with

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distressed buyers for the most part

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or sellers?

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Distressed, distressed sellers.

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Yeah.

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So how does your interaction has, how has that changed with your mindset shift?

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So we my company did 300 flips last year, a combination of wholesales and flips.

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I'm in a fortunate position, Jack, where I only work about

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an hour a week in the business.

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And that, that entails me going in Wednesday for an

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hour long manager's meeting.

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So I don't interact with sellers.

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Have I interacted with them in the last two years?

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I have.

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And I just come at it from a standpoint of I'm here to solve your needs the

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best I can instead of how can I get this price at the lowest possible

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price it's, how can I serve them?

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How can I help them?

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Because very few motivated sellers, pardon the language, have their shit

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together and have a lot of self love.

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They're in this situation.

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Their finances are in the situation because of the way that they feel

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about themselves and oftentimes what they went through as children.

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I just see them differently now.

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Sure.

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And how do you propagate this message down to the people that work for you then?

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To make sure that they carry this forward.

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I talk to them.

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It just, it's constantly talked about.

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I actually do a daily message on all the social media platforms.

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And you can, at bradchandler.

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com, Fortress, contact, you can follow me there.

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But so they get that daily message all about love and peace and happiness.

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And then they just see me and I've worked with a number of them too.

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I brought them into my program and I've.

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The first person I ever worked with was one of our virtual assistants from

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the Philippines, and she was in her thirties and she had severe anxiety.

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She slept two or three hours a night.

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She had migraine headaches.

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And after three hours of working with her, she doesn't have migraines anymore.

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She sleeps eight to 10 hours a night, and she's, she doesn't have anxiety anymore.

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So they're seeing my work actually firsthand.

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see, I'm gonna be first to say that if you would've asked,

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talked to me about this even.

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Five years ago, I would have said, it's a bunch of who we, what have you discovered

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now, as people are approaching you, I would have to think that there's quite

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a few people you work with that are trying this for the first time, trying

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to see if this helps, but there's, they're very apprehensive in the process.

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I think most of the apprehension comes from the hypnosis part.

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Most people, when they think of hypnosis, their brain automatically goes to the

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stage hypnosis, who's hypnotist, who's got the people on stage and they're,

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running after mice or something.

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That's the most pushback that I get.

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And that's a total myth, right?

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Hypnosis is nothing more than a deeply relaxed state so that your mind

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can focus on the subconscious mind.

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Because.

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The subconscious mind controls 95 percent of your behavior, but you

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don't even know what it's doing.

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So when you're driving the car and you're going to the office the

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same time, every the same way every day, that's your subconscious mind.

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You're in a hypnotic state.

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So that's all it really is just being in a deeper, deeply relaxed.

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What I get, though, from people is I've tried everything, Brad.

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I've gone to therapy for 30 years.

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I've gone to therapy for 20 years.

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I've gone to marriage there, all of this stuff.

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Like I tried it.

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I wasn't I've been to therapy for 30 years.

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I went to 50 marriage counseling sessions.

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So I think people are like almost to the I've tried everything.

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Let's try this.

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And then they try this and they're like, Oh my God, I've

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been living this way for 50 years.

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And in, in five sessions, it's completely changed.

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So that's the beauty of it is just seeing these people's

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lives and their families change.

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Are

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there any tactics or strategies to help prevent you from sliding

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back into those old habits?

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After you go through the work?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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There's a lot of ways, but I'll mention four.

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There's four questions that I get everyone to ask themselves.

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And that is, will every part of my inner mind promise never

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to put down another part?

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Will I Not allow anyone to put me down.

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Will I not allow knowingly allow myself to put anyone else down?

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And then the fourth question is do you feel like you are as good as

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important good and important as anyone?

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Who has ever walked the planet living or dead?

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So if you can live to those four questions as yeses the rest of your

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life I tell I take people out of prison How do you take someone out of prison?

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The first thing you've got to do is you've got to realize you're in prison.

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So with the awareness comes that you're in prison.

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Some people think they have a great life.

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Three years ago, I thought I had a great life.

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So anyway, those four questions will keep you from ever going back

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to that proverbial prison because when you judge another human being

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There's always something inside of yourself that is unsettled.

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I used to look at people who are overweight and I would judge them.

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I'd say they're lazy.

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What's wrong with them.

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Now I look at those same people and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I feel such

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compassion because they're hurting because they wouldn't be super

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overweight if they weren't hurting.

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Weight is a it's a protector.

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A lot of kids who were abused or saw their parents, hit each other

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or they were hit by their parents.

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What does their mind say?

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I want to be bigger.

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I want to be bigger.

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I want to be bigger.

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And your mind gives your body what it asked for.

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There's a thing called the ACE studies, adverse childhood experiences, and it's

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about measuring how your child experiences relate to are you a drug addict or your

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weight, all kinds of stuff in adulthood.

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And the reason that started Jack is because this doctor in California had this

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successful weight loss clinic and half the women were losing weight and dropping out.

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So he started to research and it was because They were scared that if they

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lost the weight that people would start to sexually abuse them again.

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It's amazing.

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Our minds are so crazy powerful and the subconscious mind, which controls

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most of this stuff, traditional talk therapy, doesn't talk about that.

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That's why you hear people like myself who went to therapy for

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30 years and really got nowhere,

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right?

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Could you talk to that?

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Like how has your relationship or has your, you mentioned your son hasn't been

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experiencing the levels of anxiety before, but I would imagine that based on what

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I'm hearing from you and just the chat we've had so far, I would imagine that

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it's helping you strengthen your network.

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People will have a tendency of wanting to be around people that allude or

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that put forth these concepts and ideas and back it up with their

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actions.

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Yeah, so has it strengthened my network?

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It's just a different type of people, right?

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I quit drinking two years ago because I used to drink to make myself feel

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comfortable and there's really no good that comes out of alcohol.

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So I stopped drinking.

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So I hang out less with people who drink.

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I'm looking for people who want to have deep conversations about

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life and happiness rather than talk about, how their wife is.

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Not giving them what they want or whatever the gossip is, at the country club.

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I just don't have time for that.

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In my intimate relationship, same thing.

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Like I can be with someone for 30, 60 seconds and realize that they have

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some self confidence issues and I love them and I want to help them,

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but it doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with this type of people.

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So everything has shifted for sure.

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Just one more time, head over to bradchandler.

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com for some more information on how Brad might be able to help you.

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Regarding this.

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But Brad, I, it's one of those situations that I'm not sure what else to ask.

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Is there a question you think we should have been covering here so far today?

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I think the important thing, Jack, is that There's a lot of suffering in this world.

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There's a lot of people listening right now that are suffering.

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They're in a bad marriage.

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Their business is in chaos.

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They drink too much.

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They eat too much.

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They're addicted to something.

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And they're just yeah, this is the way it is.

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I'm going to stay married for the for the kids or whatever their reason is or.

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I don't have enough money to divorce my wife or whatever it is.

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And my message to you is that life isn't about suffering and

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you don't have to live like this.

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And things can change in a matter of hours because I do it every day with my clients.

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So I would just urge you to, whether you work with me or not, you don't

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have to stay in the suffering state.

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My life in the last two years has been the best two years of my life.

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I don't have any bad days anymore because what's a bad day really, right?

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Bad day is just how you interpret something.

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car gets in an accident.

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Okay maybe the fact that your car got an accident just saved you from

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getting run over by a tractor trailer.

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Or maybe I'll go to the auto repair shop and I'll talk to a mechanic who

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was thinking about committing suicide.

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So everything has changed in my life.

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You can experience the same thing.

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I have a great relationship and intimate relationship now.

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My relationship with my kids are stronger.

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My business is doing better.

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I'm healthier than I ever have been.

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This is available to everyone and it all comes down to your thinking.

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You just have the wrong thinking and none of it's your fault.

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It all came as a result of your childhood programming.

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So just know that no matter what you've tried or how you're struggling, you

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can radically transform your life.

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By tapping into that subconscious mind, figuring out the stories that

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you told yourself as a child and then reversing them and living in the truth.

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It sounds so simple and so easy.

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And it really is.

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It's just it baffles my mind.

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What, how this isn't talked about more because it's really the cause

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of most of the problems in the world.

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One of the things that strikes me when you said that, most of our programming

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comes from our childhood, yet a majority of us have, we typically send our kids to.

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A school system or what have you and rely on other people to do that programming.

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We do.

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But I have to tell you of all the clients I've served, I haven't had

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many that had an issue around a teacher because you can take a child and put

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them in a bad environment like school.

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But if they've got the love and the nurturing at home, it

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overpowers the bad stuff at school.

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Does it not?

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I'm not saying it never happens and that a teacher can't affect someone,

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but it really is the parental unit where I see all of the damage

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done to these adults as Children.

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Interesting.

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If you're ready, Brad, I'd like to start closing things out with

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some of my rapid fire questions.

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Sure.

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So first of all, and it doesn't have to be in real estate, but is

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there a real estate or business myth that you'd like to bust here today?

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Wholesaling in real estate, a lot of people want to make it to be easy.

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I took me eight months to find my first deal and I was working

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my hiney off to get it done.

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And every day that went by, I got more and more persistent.

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So I started in December of 2002 I bought my first house in July of 2003

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I bought six houses in July and August of 2003 I came home and told my wife

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in October at the time she was my wife that I just quit the quit my job and

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I was starting express home buyers.

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And she's Are you kidding me?

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We've got a newborn son and I've got two kids we got to take care of.

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And I was like, it'll be fine.

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And 20 years later in 4, 000 houses, it was fine, but it wasn't easy.

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Nothing in life is easy, just like the work that I'm telling you.

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It's simple, but it's not easy because you got to live in your truth and

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you got to go through the pain of your truth to get to the freedom.

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So I think that's it.

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No matter what any real estate educator or guru tells you,

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they want to make it sound easy.

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It's not easy.

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It's doable though.

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If you don't give up and you're persistent, like I was for eight months.

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And if I'd had a good mentor.

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That, that time would have been shrunk for sure, but I didn't and it took

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me eight months and then here we are, I've had a great 20 years in business.

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It's been a little rocky, but it's served me really well.

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So just don't give up.

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Earlier when we hit record, you had said something about the

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episode is going to be what it is.

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It, you had, you made this kind of passing comment about just letting it happen.

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Is that kind of your attitude now that when you said this,

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it reminded me of that.

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Is that kind of your attitude regarding a lot of things that let go of those

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things you can't really control and you're getting your reaction

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to those?

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It's everything.

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It's absolutely everything in my life.

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No matter what happens, I look at it and go, okay, don't know why it's

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happening, but I can either be pissed or I can be like, okay, it's done.

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I can't do anything about it.

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Yeah.

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And if you can just, if that's the one thing you take from the show.

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You can't control the universe.

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Part of happiness is letting each situation be as it is instead

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of the way you want it to be.

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And then just make the best of it.

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Because every situation that happens to you, it's not happening to you.

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It's happening for you.

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And there is a reason you may never find out in this life, but you'll probably

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find out everything happens for a reason.

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So just embrace that.

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Okay.

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I stubbed my toe.

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I break my ankle.

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I lose money on this stock.

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I.

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The bank shuts that, whatever it is, it's just okay, alright, move on.

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And for 47 years, that's really hard to how you live like that.

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Yeah.

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And maybe I'm putting that on my sleeve, but that's really hard to let

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happen, you feel like you have to have all of as much control as possible and

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it can become a, it can be upsetting,

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Jack.

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It's really hard or harder to have happen when you feel that you're not enough

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and you're fighting for your worthiness.

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Because you're angry inside.

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I drive around and I'm a, I'd look at it.

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I go to restaurants and I just look at people.

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I'm in my car, I'm looking and it was a really bad traffic day.

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A couple of days ago.

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There was a major accident.

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So I got off the interstate and we're all trying to make the light and I look

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over and this girl, she's just so angry and no, she couldn't because I could

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look at her and know that her life isn't great because she's so angry inside.

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So it's really when you're angry inside and you're like,

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these people did me wrong.

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Everything that comes, you want to be like, see, it just sucks and this.

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But when you let go and you realize that you're enough and you love yourself, you

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just, it's just like water under a bridge.

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It's just okay.

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It's going to happen.

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I can't control the water flowing, so I'm just going to watch it go by.

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Do you have a book recommendation or what are you reading

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right now?

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I've read 40 books in the last two years since I started my transformation.

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The single best book I've read of those 40 books is called The

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Way to Love by Anthony DeMello.

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And the book is about this big.

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It almost looks like a child's book.

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And it is about four or five chap pages a chapter.

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And it is packed with draw, draw dropping like, oh my God,

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this is how you become happy.

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I have to add that to the list.

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What is your biggest business?

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What is the biggest business mistake you've made?

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And what did you learn

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from it?

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Oh, I bought a house.

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My partner and I bought a house in the summer of 2005 when we

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thought we knew more than anyone.

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And we were the smartest guys in the block because we're making

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a ton of money flipping houses.

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And we're like if we can flip houses, we can build houses.

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We're really smart.

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So we bought this house in North Arlington, Virginia, and We are

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going to subdivide it, carve it up into two lots and build two houses

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and make millions of dollars.

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And we didn't know what we were doing.

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We hired an engineering consultant and they're like, sure you can do this.

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And a title report, someone could have looked at a title report and

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within 10 minutes, five minutes said, this is a corner lot.

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You can't subdivide it.

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We lost 934, 000 on that house, Jack.

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And at the time our investors, We had no personal guarantees.

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I started the business in 2003 with a negative 80, 000 hour net worth.

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This was 2005, so I didn't have a lot of money and we could have walked

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away from that 934, 000 loss, but we didn't, we did what was right.

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And we went to them and we said, we really messed up.

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They gave us a little break on the interest rate and they said, you guys can

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pay this off over two years and we paid it off over 13 months and 20 years later,

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17 years later, whatever the math is we've probably borrowed in return 300 million

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from these two high net worth brothers.

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So what was the lesson?

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The lesson is don't do stuff.

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You don't know, stick to it.

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And then the second lesson, maybe even bigger is.

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If you mess up, just always do the right thing.

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I tell my kids this all the time.

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Life is easier when you just always do the right thing.

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If you could go back in time and give your younger self one

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piece of advice, what would that

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be?

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Oh man, it's so easy.

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So easy.

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What it would have saved me so many heartaches and 70 million worth of loss.

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Learn to love yourself.

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Learn to love yourself.

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Figure out what in your past that's buried in your deep

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subconscious mind is keeping you.

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From loving yourself and knowing that you're enough,

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One of the things you said earlier that really struck me as and I think I'm

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gonna I'll be the first to admit Treating yourself like you would your best friend.

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That's like I've never heard anybody say it that way before and I frankly

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that sounds easier than it actually is

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given where you are.

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I don't know where you are, but if you're on the journey and you lack self love,

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it's really hard because we're your best friend is someone you really like.

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You don't like yourself.

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Why are you going to treat yourself nice?

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So if you wouldn't say it to your best friend, don't say it to yourself.

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I catch myself once a month, once every two months, I'll do something.

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I'll be like you and I'll go to say idiot and I'll be like no, you're not an idiot.

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I'm just, I'm a human being.

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I just made a mistake.

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I've completely wiped out the negative self talk and

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something else is interesting.

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The night before I went through my transformation, I was sitting

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with the Navy seal at dinner, a steakhouse in, in park city.

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And he said to me, he goes, I'm trying to get to a point in my life where

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no one can negatively affect me.

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And I'm like, This guy is full of it.

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Two years later, I'm getting closer and closer.

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My 15 year old daughter, hope she's not listening to this.

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She's not here is literally the only person in the last

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six months who's triggered me.

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So when you can get to a point of loving yourself, you can see

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that when others attack you, it has nothing to do with yourself.

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It has to do with their pain and you can have compassion for them

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rather than try to attack them back to make you feel better.

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I can attest if anybody can trigger a dad, it would be their 15 year old daughter.

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You're human.

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Yeah.

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You have 60 seconds to give everybody one tip that they can

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implement right now to make a significant difference to their life.

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What

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would it be?

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Honestly, go to bradchandler.

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com forward slash quiz and take the quiz.

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And if you score one of those lower things, you have got to go do some work,

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whether it's pick up the book, the way to love, whether it's call me for a free

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30 minute phone call, whether it's call your local therapist or hypnotherapist.

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I don't know what, whatever it is for you that you feel comfortable doing, but that

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this is absolutely life changing, right?

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Jack can tell you how to make a lot of money in real estate.

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I can teach how to make a lot of money in real estate, but if you

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have a lot of money, And you score low on those self love thing.

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What's the point, right?

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You're not going to be happy.

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You're not going to be fulfilled.

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So do that.

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This could be the first day of the rest of your life.

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The second half of your life wherever you are, if you're 40 years old,

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30 years old, 50 years old, the next 30, 40 years of your life.

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Could be and should be the best 30 or 40 years of your life But you cannot

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do it without taking a step every journey begins with a step, right?

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And you have to have awareness that quiz will give you awareness if you

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score extreme self love Pat yourself on the back and say this is amazing.

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But most of you won't

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well Is there a question or concept you wish we would

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have covered here today bread?

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That was a phenomenal podcast.

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I think I got everything.

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I think in in, in summary though, you don't have to suffer.

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There is a better way.

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No matter what you try, there's a better way.

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No matter what struggle you're in.

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Know that there's hope.

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If you can have the courage to take that first step.

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Your life and the life of your Children can.

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I think maybe one thing.

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My son's anxieties problems were caused by me.

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So if you have kids with behavioral problems right now and you want to

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figure out where they're coming from, walk into your mirror and look in the

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mirror, walk into your bathroom and look in the mirror and that isn't your fault.

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This is you doing the best you could given what you had from your parents.

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So if you want to help your kids, the number one thing you can do is figure

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out how to love yourself and fix yourself before you can do that with your child.

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I really appreciate it.

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Again, it's bradchandler.

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com.

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I'll make sure to have that as a clickable link in the show notes.

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If you found any value in today's show, would you do us a favor and

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share it with somebody in your network?

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That would be greatly appreciated.

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Really appreciate it, Brad.

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I hope you'll come back again sometime.

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Thank you,

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Jack.

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About your host

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Jack Hoss

We gather amazing stories from leaders in Real Estate Investing. In each episode, our guests will tell you what they are doing that works, what they tried that failed, and best of all you'll learn actionable steps to take your real estate investing to the next level.